That was a draining experience. There is no way in hell that I would do that again even if the outcome had been an actually good Twinkie. (Do I have to do the TM or whatever? Am I going to get a letter from a trademark lawyer?)
I guessed that Parks would say that you ought to use a cooking sheet that approximates Twinkies—it turns out there’s a name for it, it’s a “canoe pan”, same thing you’d use to make madelines, I think. What I didn’t notice on preparatory read is that she says “don’t use muffin pans, they will stick, so will most other kinds of pans.” I have no idea why something shaped like a Twinkie doesn’t stick but something shaped like a muffin will. But ok, trust the book. For now.
She does offer the option of making a “torte, which is basically a big Twinkie. I had the right pan for that. (I thought.) I decided to make a big batch of the mix so that I could also try two alternatives: putting the batter in a dinosaur-shaped silicon baking mold that I never use, and putting some in a souffle pan. They all kind of came out, though the dinosaurs are a bit dry.
Anyway, to make the damn things you have to do so many things just so, including the filling (a fascimile of Cool Whip, yes ok TM). Don’t stir this! Do stir that but only with a balloon whisk! Touch this with a heat-resistant spatula but do not fucking stir it. If you’re using a measuring cup by GOD don’t get even a crumb too much of this ingredient, fool. Get the first mix frothy but not TOO frothy because the froth will overfroth.
I get it: the point of the recipe is to precisely reproduce the spongy, uncannily moist feel and look of a Twinkie. Is that what we got? Not quite: I honestly think the emulsification involved in that is an industrial process both in terms of the machinery needed and the additives used. What we got, I think because of the corn syrup, is something that tastes a bit like sweet spongy cornbread. I’m still waiting for the filling to fully set before I deploy it on the bigger cakes. (I’m allowed to just put it on a slice: I don’t know that I’m up to trying to pipe it in to the Big Twinkie, though I have an idea of how I would do that and the equipment to do it.)
Anyway, plainly I would not make this again even IF it turns out we all love it when the filling is added. I just cannot see working from this book even if or when I’m in the mood to bake. It’s not my thing. Verdict: gone.
Under the circumstances, I don't think the Hostess people are going to object to your leaving some ambiguity about whether you are referring to their trademarked sponge cake dessert.
Yeah, I figured that home made Twinkies wouldn’t rally be Twinkies. Too bad.